sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
