we have pet lesbian snakes
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
