Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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