I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
