we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
