He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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