My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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