Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
