what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
