He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
