ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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