ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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