I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
