I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
