I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
