I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize