He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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