shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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