you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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