Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
