party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
