Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
