Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
