My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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