and you said cock pushups were impossible
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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