I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
