I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
