The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I still have a little drunk in my system
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
