And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
...so i touched it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
