My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
