Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
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