Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
