the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he puts the penis in happiness.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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