We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Randomize
