I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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