I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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