Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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