Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
