she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
