My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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