i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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