bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
When are your genitals available?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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