I just cut my nipple shaving
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
