My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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