margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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