I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I love you.
Bad choice
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
