it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
