I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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