finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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