Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize