Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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