i can't believe i had my finger in that
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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