it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
