I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
