who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I want to have your abortion
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
