You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
