just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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