I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
