and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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